An Interview With Dr. Kate Lund, this article originally ran in Authority Magazine on Medium
Families with children on the Autism Spectrum face unique challenges and experiences. Each family’s journey is different, filled with both struggles and triumphs. We want to share their stories, insights, and advice to help and inspire other families going through similar experiences. As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview author Lindsey Rowe Parker.
Lindsey Rowe Parker is the author of the award-winning book series about sensory differences, Wiggles, Stomps and Squeezes Calm My Jitters Down. A mom with a home full of neurodivergent minds, she is embracing the next phase of parenting while learning to navigate and advocate for her autistic daughter. With a recent adult diagnosis of ADHD, and a new deeper understanding of her own sensory experiences, she has begun to delve into the neurodiversity community learning all she can from neurodivergent voices.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your childhood backstory?
Thank you for having me! My childhood was a bit of a whirlwind, though I didn’t fully understand why until much later. Growing up, I was always labeled as the “dreamer” or “spaced out,” and I struggled to sit still, focus, and process things the way others seemed to. I was considered “weird” for being overly sensitive to things that didn’t bother my siblings or friends, and I carried a lot of labels — lazy, unfocused, not trying hard enough — that stuck with me into adulthood.
It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and started my own journey as a parent to neurodivergent kids, that things began to make sense. My daughter was diagnosed as autistic the day after her second birthday, and it opened the door to a whole new understanding of myself and my family. What I once thought were “quirks” or things to overcome became a window into the world of neurodiversity — a world that not only includes my children but also me.
In many ways, my childhood makes so much more sense now. I realize that those sensory differences I had, the ones that made me feel out of place, are simply a part of who I am, just like they are a part of who my daughter is. And that realization has been one of the most freeing things.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
There is not one right way to be human. There is not one right way to think, to process, to communicate, to be. There are cultural and societal norms, but that does not mean that kids that deviate from those norms are less than.
One of the most powerful things you can tell a child is “I believe in you. I see you. I support you. We will figure this out together.” Neurodiversity recognizes the beauty and value of diverse minds, including autistic individuals.
Neurodivergent kids are not broken. Make sure they know that, make sure YOU believe that.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Can you share with us the moment you realized your child might have have Autism Spectrum Disorder?
I knew it was coming. I had noticed differences in her that caused me to run down the google rabbit hole of despair. (Be careful where you end up on a google binge in the wee hours of the morning when you are hyper fixating and have undiagnosed ADHD.) After the standard steps of concern to pediatrician dismissal to referral to long wait to developmental assessment and finally diagnosis, we were plunged into a new world.
I get it. It’s scary. Your sweet little child with the dreaded diagnosis. But do you know why this particular diagnosis is so scary? Because that is the narrative that sells. You can see it in so many aspects of our society. Fear is a great motivator. But guess what, like so many things in life, we fear what we don’t understand. So, I dove in.
What unique approaches have you developed to support your child’s communication and social interaction skills within your family and community?
One of the most important things I’ve found while on this journey is to check myself. Before you run headlong into “fixing” or implementing strategies to change behaviors with your child, level set with yourself. Learn, read, share, follow, and learn some more. Check your biases, learn and unlearn things you think you know. It has been almost 7 years since we came alongside to learn from the autistic community, and there is so much good out there to immerse yourself in, but it’s not going to come looking for you, and it’s not always easy to hear. You need to go looking for personal growth and awareness on behalf of your kid and family.
How do you navigate the challenges of creating an inclusive environment at home that accommodates the diverse needs of each family member?
Capacity shifts day to day, for all of us. Some days are easier or harder than others. Being open and able to reading these shifts in your home will help you offer accommodations, reduce demands, and offer grace. Autistic kids are still kids, and while autism adds layers of complexity, the general rule of meeting all people where they are emotionally, physically and developmentally will benefit all involved.
Can you describe a moment when you saw significant progress in your child’s development, and what strategies or interventions led to that breakthrough?
We don’t look for “breakthroughs” in the traditional sense because a person’s value is not tied to what they can achieve (that is a hard one to let go of for some of us who have spent a lifetime glorifying productivity and achievement, and I’m guilty of this!).
We look for and celebrate compassionate consistent affirming support from the people that interact with us. Here’s what that looks like for us:
Having a family friend that includes us in social gatherings and understands if we have to leave early.
Small accommodations given by those who don’t have to, but they see that it helps.
An extended family member spending time reading a book to more fully understand our lived experience.
So much emphasis is put on the autistic child meeting expectations, making people around them comfortable, and that needs to shift to communities supporting disabled people without expectation. When that happens, that is the real breakthrough.
How do you prepare your child for changes in routine or new experiences, and what has been most effective in reducing anxiety during these transitions?
Practice and preparation. While you cannot prepare for every situation, identifying those new experiences, talking them through, practicing, watching videos, and doing trial runs have helped us.
For example, we recently went on vacation, and beforehand we watched many, many, many videos of the hotel, the airport, the beaches, the activities. We knew most of our meals would be at a buffet, so we went to a buffet locally to practice, getting your plate, standing in line to pick out your food. It was a hot mess the first time, but the kids were pros once we got to our destination.
This does not always work, and no matter how much you plan and prepare, things may go awry. Being prepared, managing your own expectations and the expectations of others, and being flexible when you need to shift gears will help!
What resources or support systems have been most valuable for your family in managing the daily realities of living with autism spectrum disorder?
The most valuable resources and support systems for our family have been rooted in community and shared lived experiences. Connecting with the autistic community has been life-changing. Learning directly from autistic adults has not only helped me better understand my child’s experiences, but it’s also shifted how I approach advocacy and parenting.
Therapies like speech and occupational therapy have also been valuable, but only when they align with the values of neurodiversity — when they support my kids’ development without trying to change them. It’s crucial to find therapists who see your child as a whole person, not as someone to “fix.”
Lastly, our family support network has been instrumental. This includes friends and family members who take the time to learn and make accommodations, as well as teachers and professionals who collaborate with us to ensure needs are met with respect and understanding. Being surrounded by people who “get it” has made all the difference.
What are your “Top 5 Strategies to Navigate Life With a Child With Autism Spectrum Disorder”?
Seek out autistic voices. This is by far the most impactful thing I have done since my child’s diagnosis. I am embarrassed to say that it is something I had never thought about. Autistic adults. I thought it was something that only affected kids, and mainly boys. Who were these autistic adults? Turns out autistic kids grow up to be autistic adults. Shocking, right? And many of them are sharing their knowledge and lived experiences to help autistic kids, and their parents, educators, and loved ones. But make note of the order of what you just read: To help autistic kids is first. When you go into these spaces, it is your turn to listen and learn. Their first priority will always be your autistic child. Not your feelings or your secondary experience. Be ready to learn, unlearn and grow. It is humbling, and it is so worth it.
Research your options. You will probably be recommended a full-time load of therapy for your child. And presented with what looks like your only option. Look at that kid again, the one that you would give anything in your power to help, and do your research. Listen to autistic people who have personally experienced those therapies before you go all-in with any therapies that promise your child will look and act “normal”. They are not a magic bullet to fix your child. Do you know why?
Your kid is not broken. Make sure they know that. Make sure you believe that. Imagine living your whole life thinking you are fundamentally broken because the people closest to you, those you love, tell you so with their choices, words, and actions. Maybe this was you as a child. It hurts. You are not broken either. Society already tells us that so much of who we are is wrong, make your home a safe space to be fully loved and accepted for who they are.
Build your support team. Be thoughtful in how you approach this, the support you build around yourself will influence how you think, feel, speak about and ultimately interact with your child. Did you join a facebook group that seems to be full of parent complaints and commiseration of how tough everything is? Not the best place to be. Is an educator on your team constantly talking about what your child can’t do? Therapy concentrating on changing your child to fit in with societal norms? Does it not sit right deep in your gut? Add people to your team that support your child first, and also you through knowledge, strategies, and understanding.
Adjust to your New Normal — Doing things differently than other families is ok. It is actually a beautiful and relieving feeling to release expectations. One of the most impactful things I did for my own personal mental health is to stop comparing. Stop measuring myself, my family, my child against benchmarks or milestones that do not take us into account. These are arbitrary timelines, and you don’t have to hit them in a certain time frame, or at all, to be worthy. To be valued. To be loved. Go your own way, on your own time. Let your child lead. It is ok. Let it go. Enjoy the journey. Your child is enough, just as they are.
What role does self-care play for you as a parent in maintaining balance and resilience while supporting your child with Autism Spectrum Disorder?
Self-care looks different for everyone. For me, it’s therapy, meds and asking for support when I need it, which can be a hard lesson to learn. It’s like when you are on a plane and they tell you to put your oxygen mask on before helping others. It feels counterintuitive because you love and cherish your child so much that you want to put them first. But you must take care of yourself in order to take care of others. And it’s easier said than done!
Despite the challenges, families often find moments of triumph and resilience. Can you share a particularly proud moment or a breakthrough that your family has experienced in this journey?
We find resilience through the support of our community, and learning how to manage expectations — both ours and theirs. It wasn’t just a single “breakthrough”, but a collective shift in how our family, friends, and extended community embrace neurodivergence without trying to force her into arbitrary societal norms.
Noticing at social gatherings people around us truly understanding and adapting to her needs. Instead of expecting her to interact in a “typical” way or participate in every activity, allowing her the freedom to engage as she feels comfortable. This shift is slow and deliberate, the culmination of many conversations about letting go of rigid expectations and focusing instead on what worked best for her.
The breakthrough wasn’t about my daughter meeting someone else’s idea of participation or “normal” behavior — it was about everyone else adjusting their expectations and meeting her where she was, without judgment. It was a reminder that so many societal norms are arbitrary, and pushing kids, especially disabled kids, to meet them can cause unnecessary stress. When we let go of those pressures and stopped comparing our path to others, it created an environment where she could thrive in her own way.
Knowing that those around her offer love and acceptance without the need for her to conform, gives me so much hope for her journey and ours. It showed me that community support, rooted in compassion and understanding, can make all the difference in fostering a sense of belonging — and that’s where true resilience and growth come from.
Are there any books, podcasts, or other resources that have helped you understand or manage your condition better?
There are so many. One that I found very helpful in understanding the current state of autism in society, and the historical path that brought us to where we are currently is NeuroTribes: the Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman. It is an incredible and rough read, but many of the controversies that are rampant in autism communities are factually outlined and given historical context. It is not a feel-good book by any means, but the understanding of how and why we got to where we are is enlightening.
My go-to book list is by inclusion consultant and author Meghan Ashburn, she runs a book club group of over 5,000 disabled and autistic people that read and vet each book. You can find that ever growing list here:
We are very blessed that some very prominent names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them. :-)
Steve Silberman, the author of NeuroTribes, who recently passed. What an incredible human and gift to our world, and such a big loss for the autism community.
The other person I would love to meet in person is my illustrator, Rebecca Burgess. We live a continent away, yet they have been such a huge force in my life and work. Bex, thank you for all you do making complex concepts approachable with empathy and understanding!
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can follow me professionally on LinkedIn. You can learn more about Wiggles, Stomps and Squeezes Calm My Jitters Down at wigglesstompsandsqueezes.com
And connect with me on social media at:
Twitter https://twitter.com/WigglesBook
Thank you for your time and thoughtful answers. I know many people will gain so much from hearing this.
About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.
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